I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
