Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
