What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
