East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
