i barfeds in our rink
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
