I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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