I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
