dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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