i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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