I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
