sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
