I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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