u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
