Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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