i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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