You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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