the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
