Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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