we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
