All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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