We should be called the Road Head Warriors
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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