ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
