Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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