I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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