i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
