Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
