Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize