Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
