I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
