i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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