That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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