someone threw a dead crab at me
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
