You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
