you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
