I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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