Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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