Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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