You can't motorboat a personality
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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