Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
