Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
