I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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