Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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