Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He better not be in your backpack
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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