highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
