I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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