I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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