I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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