i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
