all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
