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just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
