My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
