he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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