I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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