I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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