dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
