Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
