Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
we're making bets on your personal life
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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