you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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