You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will be naked everywhere
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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