Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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