I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize