dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
