Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
