I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
