when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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